Thursday, July 29, 2010

Preparing for takeoff

This long journey that we are on feels like a trip to the airport. We began this process with arriving like so many others that arrive to this stage with the hopes and dreams of what is possible. We have had our fair share of lines to go though, but we felt like we were moving. Its only looking back that you question if you were moving the wrong way on one of those moving walkways. Like you can look back at yourself, smile and say "Poor you, no matter how quickly you jog on that thing, your still not going forward."

Its only looking back now that I can marvel about the entire journey. We had the moments of the medal detector feeling with the medical appointments that seemed to take forever and always required us to undo our belts. We had moments of the more invasive searches after you set of the detector with some of the tests we had to go though that required a lot of discomfort and stress. But in the end, after going through each step in the process, we were then at the terminal, waiting to take off. Each step in the process felt like forward progress at this point, but its still a stop and go thing. Just like after you get to the terminal, you speed up for a second to get in line to board. Then you slow down and wait. Then you get on board, then you wait. I think you get the picture.

We are finally done waiting. We have begun our taxi out to the takeoff. Right now its more then just the comfort of feeling like moving, but the excitement of the takeoff that is weighing on us. We have waited so long, and watched so many of our friends and family take off and its exciting to feel like it is our turn. The journey is just beginning and we don't know if there will be turbulence along the way, or where we will end up landing and when, but its time to grab each others hand and embrace what is ahead.

We have begun working on preparing, just enough to feel like we are getting things done and keep the excitement up, without so much as to feel like we are jinxing ourselves. We are finally thinking about the joys of planning the layout of a baby's room or deciding how drastically the home improvement projects priority change when your top goal is to provide a safe environment instead of personal comforts. The entertainment center in the basements suddenly isnt as high as a priority as insulating the garage so the cars don't get so cold in the winter or hot in the summer.

I have had my internal struggles through this process, having times that i was just upset with life, the "it's not fair" that your parents always replied "life never is" to. But with the world moving forward again, I feel like all the struggles and pain and stress is worth it. Seeing that glimmer in my wife's eye as she grabs onto my hand, i know: "Although this life might not always be fair, as long as you don't give up, we will make it through this thing together." We are more then going to make it through, we are going to make our wildest dreams become a reality.

So please if your reading this, wish us luck and keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We'll in turn do our best to keep everyone up to date as to our exciting journey. You've been with us through the struggles and hardships, hopefully we'll be able to share all the joy's with you as well. We love you all.

John and Kristy

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Ball is Rolling

So things are starting to really happen. We decided about a week ago that we really are ready to have our dreams become reality and to move forward with the IVF process so that it can all happen. Once we made this very important and final decision we called the Dr and were told what steps we needed to take.

Step 1. watch a stupid video online that shows us how IVF works. We even got to watch the little swimmers being suctioned into a tube and put into an egg.

Step 2. Go get stupid blood tests done to ensure we don't have any STD's. I would think that if i had any STD's i would have known that by now.

Step 3. Pick up birth control prescription (I know not the prescription you would think to take when trying for a child)and a standard antibiotic for John and I to take.

step 4. Make and go to appointment to learn about the shots (this is happening next week! yay and boo all at the same time)

Then at that appointment we also learn what other drugs we have to take and everything else that we need to know. Its a 2 cycle process so hopefully in 2 months are goal will be met.

I'm so excited but yet at the same time its so scary, its so much money and if it doesn't work we don't have a back up plan. We will be out of funds so there is no chance at this time for another cycle of IVF or adoption. I'm just praying that this is where we are meant to be and this is what will make our dream of having a family into reality.

I just can't believe that finally after 2 years we are really here going this route. I never would have thought this was needed. 2 years ago we were on our 1st anniversary trip to Disney and i remember standing outside the castle talking about how we were going to start trying in a couple of months and we were talking about how fun this whole process would be, well we were wrong this process has been an emotional roller coaster and was only fun for the first few months. Then our lives turned into timing my cycles and then it turned into buying a ovulation monitor and peeing on sticks every day. Then it turned into trying to find a dr then finding 2 more after that. Then it was hurry up and wait, and wait for test results, and then wait for more tests. Now it is here and hopefully the disappointment that we experienced every month is behind up and we only get the anticipation of meeting our little one.

Lord give me the strength to finish this journey and give me the dream i have longed for.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Strike 3

So we just hit 3 months of ovulating on the wrong side. And you know what happens when you strike out 3 times, your out! So now we are onto bigger and better things. Or so we think. Its time to really analyze if we can afford to go forward with the IVF route. With everything seeming to break in our house and there are some of these things we aren't willing to put on hold for very long.

Our Car needs to be repaired (heat and AC not working)
dryer works now but seems to go in and out so lets hope it holds.
Our upstairs windows need to be replaced as the storm windows are not holding, so this needs to be done before winter.
Ugh there goes any real decorating i wanted to do for my house and the basement on hold indefinately.

So this weekend John and I have probably flip flopped more times than we can count and i am stressed about this decision beyond belief. I don't think i can emotionally wait for finances to be better but due to many medical bills and the misc. costs that have come up we are not in the best place to move forward either.

Oh I wish I knew what the right answer was.