This is my new normal

So this is my first blog and 2 days ago I found out some news that will change the way that I view my world.

I was told that after for trying for 15 months to start our little family that we would not be able to do it on our own. We will require doctors and medications and shots and more money than I care to recognize to create our family. I was told that we will require in vitro fertilization. I can't think of a less romantic way to create a family but if this is what it takes to recognize John and my dream than this is what we will do.

After we received the news I think I took it ok, the whole time we were testing and trying to figure out the problem in the back of my mind I just sort of knew that we would have major issues and it wouldn't come easy. I have always been somewhat of a pessimist so its not a surprise to me that I was thinking the worst (we wouldn't be able to have kids at all) so this really is a little better than I feared. John however it took it much harder. I don't think I will be ever able to see him hurt like that again, it was one of the worst moments of my life seeing him hurt and knowing that there wasn't anything I could do or say to make it better.

In Vitro seems scary and not something I really want to do, but I am positive that it works. I'm so positive because my sister was born with the help of in vitro and she turned out great(just don't tell her I said so it will only go to her head).

The next few months John and I will be trying to figure out where the money will be coming from, finding out if we want to stay at the current clinic or find a more specialized one and doing lots of research to prepare us for what will be coming. This blog will be about our journey and about my life.

This is my new normal ... one where the innocence of so many who believe that when you want a family you can have it is no longer there. My normal is dealing with this reality that its going to take time and work and lots of $$$.