What is God trying to say?

A post from John as I just couldn't put all that I felt into words....John has a way with words that i wish i had to express what i feel. Thanks John for being able to put everything I think into words for everyone to understand.

Throughout my life, I have tried to understand which of the things around me are signs from god of something greater, and what is just co-incidence. Its easy to read into things and make them what you want. Take your fortune cookies ... when it says "you will have success at work" it could mean that you'll get that project done, or that you'll get a huge raise, or that you'll meet a beautiful girl that you will end up marring.

With that said, I do believe in some level of fate, or at least that God gives us pushes at times that we may need. Look at my wife and I and how we met. We met while working at Target. After looking back however, I couldn't help but laugh at how hard we were being pushed together all of our lives, and that it took us that long to finally see it. We had worked together for almost 5 years, but never talked. Before that, we went to the same high school, but barely knew of each other. We even danced together in gym class, she doesn't remember. We were on spring break at the same time and at the same place. We were at the same church. Our lives were so entangled that its a wonder how we managed to keep apart as long as we did.

That believe, that some times we get a push, makes our current situation that much harder. Alright, you already know the situation about the IVF. We recently found an excellent option for IVF at a local facility that specialized in the procedure. To top that off, they had pricing available specially for the down economy, so that price tag of many hospitals of 15 thousand became thousands less. It was like that ray of sun the breaks through the clouds to warm your cheek as you sit on the deck. The option returned hope, and with that hope came excitement, and with that excitement came the realization that it was in our power to have a child. There is nothing so powerful to have an option restored that you had thought you lost.

We went into a consultation, we got a plan, we laid out our next 2 years of our life and began something we hadn't dared do for the last 12 months. Planning on our lives with a little baby. It was going to happen, everything was going to work out.

Five days after our consultation, after we got that plan, and gained all of our dreams back, tragedy struck. We were in the process of getting appointments scheduled to begin tests when we heard news that our doctor had passed away on the previous Saturday. He had died less then 24 hours after we met with him. Sadly, with him, our world came shattering to pieces as well.

All those "hard" decisions of which room to make the baby's room became quiet tears for how close we were. Our doctor was, to our knowledge, an amazing man. But with that said, he had no successor, or plan for if this happened. The result is that we were back to square zero, with now less options, and the options we had, all closer to the 15 thousand range.

It was at that point, as i lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, that I tried to understand ... is this a sign. How many times do we have to get sent back to the start before it becomes obvious that maybe, its not just bad luck. Its dangerous to read into things, but I can't help but wonder ... What was God trying to say?