I'll trade my roller-coaster for a ride on the its a small world ride any day.

Growning up, I was afraid of roller coasters. I mean you are going so fast, you feel like your going to fall out as you fly through the dips. You fell like your going to be sick as you get crushed into your seat on the loop de loops. As I got older, I loved that rush. It part it came from knowing that I was more safe then walking, but in part it was getting to see life in fast forward. You always dream of going so fast that everything around you seems to slow to a halt. You can look across the cart to see your best friend and smile as you both see the people below looking so tiny and stationary. They don't know what they are missing

Over the past three months we have encountered more roller coasters then all the rollercoasters at six flags combined. I'll admit, at this point, I'll take a ride on the its a small world or peter pan any day. From the downs of the news that IVF was our best option, to the ups to finding a cheap IVF, to the lows of our doctor passing away, to various other things that have come our way. With each up, soon follows a down. With each down, well all you can do it go up. I can tell you from experience, that roller coasters are not as fun when its a ride your forced into instead of choosing. Part of me wishes for the safety of the ground, or at least the calm pace and happy cheer of a ride like "its a small world"

Despite all that has happened, we reach a point again, that we are ready and able to move forward. But whenever we get to that place, its not a relief, at least not completely. Don't get me wrong, I love that we are moving forward. But with the progress comes a load of pressure. Think of the "normal" pressures of being pregnant, and then with our situation, you can multiply that by 100 fold.

Although its true that children are priceless, the sad part of our life, is that well, there is a price tag. And its worth it, totally, but just because its worth it, doesn't mean we'll be able to afford that price tag over and over again. Lets just say 15 grand. That 15 grand makes even more pressure on a situation that is already extremely stressful. Because the only thing worse then spending the money you have saved worked so hard for to provide post pregnancy, is to spend that and then have it not work out and have to spend that again. Honestly, its not even the money that is the hard part, its the waiting to build up enough money, that makes us feel like we are again going backwards in our process.

Don't get me wrong, I am confident ... or optimistic that we will get pregnant on the first time. But with the roller coaster we have went then, I'm always bracing for that next loop de loop.

Sincerely,

It's a small worlds #1 fan