I have been robbed of the joy of Christmas. I have always been a person who has been a christmas freak. I have been overly excited by the lights, the music, the movies, and the wonderment of the savior being born. But this christmas all i want is for the season to be over, i don't want to watch the movies and i don't care to go see the christmas lights and even the music, which i still listen to, isn't bringing the joy that i normally experience.
I wish I didn't have to go through the pain of the unknown, as it is right now John and I don't know what clinic we will go to, how much it will cost, how we will finance it, or even if it will work. I just wish we had a remote control like in the movie Click to go ahead and fast forward through the parts I don't want to deal with. I would fast forward through Christmas as we don't have the money for gifts, and this is another holiday when I am not pregnant. I would also fast forward through the decisions that have to be made and the actually emotional toll that this all will take on me. However then once I am able to conceive I would slow it all down to a crawl to enjoy the pregnancy and to enjoy and savor the moments with our new family.
Its sad to think about the future as I don't know when we will get to the happy times. I have been robbed of dreaming about the future as right now I just don't know what it holds.
To end on a happy note, John and I will be purchasing a new car as we have been on this mission for the last 6 months. We have found the car we want at a better price than we imagined and should be the proud owners in a week or so. At least there is one positive thing and we can close the chapter on hunting for a car.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment